After reading a lot for the last couple of weeks, I started wondering what it’s like to assume a different identity in real life, because that’s the exact kind of feeling I experience when I’m reading. It’s all about the escape from real life, being somebody else for a little while, needing to identify with somebody. But the crucial question throughout remains the same:  Who am I? Is there even a way one can give a truthful answer to this question without mentioning what they do or what they like or dislike?

I believe there are more personalities, more identities in each and every one of us. We may not even be aware of their existence, subconsciously hiding them. I believe we all experienced a need to escape, not from the others, but from ourselves. That’s why we love movies, books, and now more than ever, internet friends. Some find that satisfying enough, but what if we go beyond that and create different identities in real life? But not the way psycho people do it, without acknowledging the presence of their alter egos, but being fully aware of all the different people we can be. What if we realize we can make people believe a lot of the things we want them to believe and take advantage of that?

Just like con artists do it. Like Frank Abagnale did it. I read Catch Me If You Can, a story about his life and things he did, starting when he was only 16 years old, and it’s stunning. How he managed to foul play all these different people and with ease do the things one wouldn’t even dream of. I always had a special kind of sympathy for con artists, and their witty minds and superb ideas. It’s thrilling, exciting and extraordinary how some people can risk so much…

And then I’m wondering if I would ever be able to risk like that. Even though I keep saying I have nothing to lose, risking everything (even if it’s just your habits and way of life) is still hard. I guess one of the main reasons for that is the constant fear of failure, and we all want to be successful. Risk usually comes as a last resort, when there is no other way out.

I guess it takes a brave one…

I sat by the window and watched the thunderstorm. What a perfect way to end the day! I wish everyday would end with the storm. I like that peaceful feeling right before the first lightening and then all the rush when it strikes; people running in all the different directions, laughing and holding hands… I wouldn’t run though, I always thought walking in the rain, letting the raindrops fall down your hair, your face and getting completely wet, felt great.

There was a young man in the park, running toward the street yelling: “come on boy, hurry up” and right behind him ran his dog, biting an empty plastic bottle, playing around with it, like nothing was wrong with the weather. I was wondering how he felt, but he seemed to have a lot of fun. There were these two girls, that looked quiet spooky, with long black dresses, and they were not running- they just stood there, enjoying the rain, splashing through the puddles, looking weird, even to me, just because they didn’t do the same thing the rest of the world would have done.

It seems I like to observe the thunderstorm from the safety of my home, through the window only. It makes me feel safe like nothing else ever does. Having it happen to me never feels the same way though. I guess I just like to feel safe…

Lately, my laptop has been acting really weird, and yet I couldn’t (still can’t) figure out what’s wrong with it! I even reformatted the whole system and spent two good days trying to make everything back to normal. Yes, it took me one whole day just to install Adobe Master Collection CS3… I still have the same problem I had before reinstall which makes me think it might be a hardware failure. I am worried. Whenever I want to restart it, while booting back on, just before the logon screen it goes black and turns off. Then I turn it on and everything is normal. It runs just fine when it’s turned on too… I am confused.

I don’t feel like taking my little baby to a teach, I’ll try fixing it myself.. or at least I shall figure out what the problem is, I am positive I can do that, or at least try. It’s keeping me busy too, which is nice. Not like I am doing anything productive though…

I still somehow hope it’s all Microsoft’s fault (yeah, always blame it on someone else, in this case – VISTA).

Period!

Oh and check out this website for more of these hilarious error messages, or make one yourself

Eating alone in a public place all the time feels quite weird actually. But I think I’m really getting used to it and even starting to enjoy it. I am paying even more attention to the other people around me, and, subconsciously, I’m trying to come up with some sort of psychological profile by reading their body language, their facial expressions and their altogether appearance. It helps me better understand people, and figure out all the hidden motives – what’s really behind their words and actions. It’s interesting, challenging and very entertaining.

My dorm room window has a beautiful view of the park, and I have that strange habit to often stare out of my window and observe all the old people feeding pigeons, dogs, couples, even homeless people late at night… I try to figure out their life stories, relationships between them, where did they come from and where they are going after their walk through the park. I think I could put all these unrelated stories from my dorm in a book and I bet they would make an interesting read.

I remember I used to observe like this back in my home town too, but it was rarely ever crowded like here in Belgrade. It seems like no matter where I go here there will be something to observe… Good for me, I guess that means being alone will never get boring.