We tend to measure our happiness by certain standards set up by other people and society in general and we compare the quality of our lives with other people’s lives. Seeing happy, satisfied people doesn’t make us feel good if we don’t already. On the contrary! I can’t say it makes us jealous, but rather sad because we don’t have something somebody else does.

If everyone around me is happy it will remind me just how sad and lonely I am. I happen to think a lot of people are more satisfied with their lives than I have ever been. And, truth to be told, if I didn’t know what all there is to it I would never feel bad about mine. There are so many interesting lives out there, so many different stories I would like to be a part of, even just for a little while. I just need to get away from everything. And that feeling is growing stronger everyday for the past couple of years, that I am afraid I will actually do something “stupid” in order to set myself free from these boundaries.

I know we ought to accept the things we cannot change and we shall have courage to change the ones we can, but what if the difference between the two is too tiny to make a clear judgment? Or what if you know something can be changed but you just can’t risk doing anything about it or you don’t know how or where to start?

My depression never had an obvious reason, it’s just a dark feeling of everything crashing and falling apart, that seems to come and go just like that.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 at 10:21 pm and is filed under inside my troubled head. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.