I Am Too Possessive
I think I might be selfish… I don’t like nor understand the attitude I have towards some things and some people. And yet, even though I can’t explain why or find any reason at all for my behaviour I keep acting that way.
The thing is, I am afraid of losing people I care about as I know how hard it is to find the worthy ones. And seeing how, unlike many other people, I don’t make friends all the easily, I like to keep the ones I have by me at all times. The problem arises when I am not able to do just that, and it happens more often every day. We all have our own paths to follow and they often lead us in all the different directions and as the time goes by, you lose track of who went where. It gets harder to keep in touch and eventually, one way or the other, without even noticing, you lose it completely. By that time, you have already replaced your old friend you used to hang out with, with the new one and you don’t even think about your old friend anymore.
I guess I like to remember things when they were still good and so when our paths are parting I don’t even try to keep in touch at all. If the other side doesn’t make much (or any) effort either it’s even easier to do so. When there is no contact, it’s easier to let go and forget, and you know you’re bound to let go…
I feel that’s wrong and immature, and I wish I could change that about me, I wish I could be less selfish and make peace with people choosing their own life path whether or not it’s a part of mine. I shouldn’t feel sad about it, I shouldn’t give up on those people, I shouldn’t feel disappointed, or mad at all. But I am all that and I can’t seem to do anything about it.
it happened a couple of times to me now, and I still have a chance to fix it, but I just can’t make myself do it, I feel too guilty for acting this way… After all, it seems like it is not easier to just let go because you can’t erase your memories.
March 7th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I feel the same way. (Or at least, in a similar way.)
Before, I was completely taking my friends for granted. I was at the peak of my social status in school and basically, I ignored and regarded the feelings of my friends, so I lost them all together. It’s funny how you can lose things all together so quickly. And when I was given another chance, these two great people came into my life, I started devoting all of my time to them, making sure that they feel like they’re being appreciated. But then later, they’ve been telling me that I was being too posessive. It’s like, before- I wasn’t /enough/, and now I’m too much. I can never find the right balance. Anyway, good post!
March 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I agree with you. We tend to take things for granted most of the times. Seems like people don’t even expect us to show that we care anymore…
oh well… I hope you hold on to those two people if they are really worth it
Thanks for stopping by